The Running of the Maples
The snow receding and the shifting energies of the land and self
The maples started running. I wondered if they would with this long warm-up. From deep snow to energy shifting in the woods, it is always a little jolting, yet here we are. When I saw the snow receding from around the trunks of the maples, I knew things had changed, and the trees were moving internally. I see my bulbs beginning to come up, and the snow is sinking into the ground as the warm air comes from the south. All of it is at least a whole month before normal. It feels weird to see this at the beginning of February. To see the buckets and lines set along the trees is an abnormal sight in our area. One I am conflicted with feelings about.
As the snow shifts and uncovers ground, we see the plants and remnants of fall still waiting to be processed, decayed and returned to their next chapter in the land. The mold hangs like cobwebs on the old leaves of plants that cover the soil. The mulch is swollen from the snow that sat on it. Everything feels damp, revealed, and yet to be processed. I sense the same in myself. Things left from the fall still hang in my head. Feelings to still process. Moments that I still hang on in my head and heart. There are changes in myself that I am still finding places for in my body to hold or let go. Yet here, so much is beginning once again, and I feel ready, but also as if I need more time lingering in the deep snow and gliding on my skis. Nonetheless, it is all a reminder that the season of deep winter has been short and not fully endured just yet. A possible sign that the cold and storms may arrive so we must be gentle with our shifting too dramatically.
In some way, as the sap makes a tap tap into buckets like a song and sign of spring’s inevitable company, I can think of all the ways this energy is rising and beginning to flow in myself. A movement. A shifting. This feeling isn’t urgent, though, just as the sap flows steadily. A tiny bit each moment flowing gently, consistently, and humbly. I feel that energy, too.
This shift in me and the trees is something I am listening to intently. The subtlety of the rising and awakening is like when I choose to move from my bed at 5 AM. The darkness is still present. Everything and everyone still slumbers around me. I feel rested enough to let my energy take over, and my brain begins to drip out my thoughts as if they are overflowing inside my heart. My movements aren’t for big gains or anything but to be slow, quiet, and with a clear intention. None of which comes from a desire to hustle along or move with anxiousness. It particularly doesn’t even feel I need to do this. Yet, I find that my body and mind are truly ready, and if this is true, then I must trust. I feel that now in landscape and self as the days bring more sun and warmth than is normal in February.
All of this in me comes clearly just as the sap does from the maples. It comes with a sense of being ready to begin. I am simply moving with what my body and mind know they need and are ready for. A sense I haven’t felt in a while. Maybe in years. To move towards something in such a calm and directed way. I think I understand the maples these days as they begin running. I understand their trust in the process and energy. I understand that sometimes the things we feel we need must be flowed and trusted. In fact, we usually know how we must go when the timing arrives. The hardest part is just allowing it to happen, even if it feels the timing is off.
Like the maples, I awaken. Like the maples, I begin to shift. Like the maples, I do what I am feeling ready for.
I feel the sense of moving and rising with what bubbles up from within. I hope only that it brings about something fruitful and productive and into big things I may have never thought possible as I slowly plod one step in front of the other just as the sap drips a little at a time. After all, nothing moves quickly in winter, even when it feels like spring isn’t far off.
A weekend alone
This last weekend, I went up to Charlevoix and stayed alone at a little apartment in town for a quiet 2-night stay. I have wanted to do this for years, but I felt anxious and afraid in some odd way. This last year, though, I have found more and more comfort with myself where. I now long for being with myself in the woods or anything in between. Being a parent brings about a lot less time for the quiet and stillness that comes when you are alone. So I tucked away for a few days and ventured to beaches in the winter’s rising thaw.
I cannot tell you how vital this was for my body and mind. I know I could have taken a friend or even met someone for a drink or dinner, but I wanted just to hide away and find immense comfort with just me. This last year has been about falling in love with myself, and it has been a powerful and exciting thing to find.
A big shout out to Mike for encouraging me to slip away like this.
I spent a lot of time writing and working on a passion project, along with getting ahead on homework for my Permaculture Design Certification course, which was also nice. Here are just a few images from my little trip. And because some of you have asked, I stayed at this place and HIGHLY suggest it. They have a few spots in the building, and all look really cozy and wonderful. It is one of the best airbnb’s I have ever stayed in.
The Garden Planning Intensive Starts Tuesday!
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What I learned from nearly 2 months off Instagram
I began my return to the gram last week. It’s been a big thing. Over the time away, I have changed and grown in many ways. I have to back up here before I go into what I learned. You see, Instagram became a part of me, not in an addictive way but in a way where my identity and values were tied together, one and the same. That if I was to be anything for the world, I had to be liked and valued there. This was grooved into my life by being a blogger and working in the world of marketing products for well over a decade. I saw being desireable by brands was directly related to how good I was at my work and ultimately because of patterns set in my life both presently and for generations I thrived on people pleasing in this way. I went to therapy beginning last January, thinking I had only some past issues from my childhood to overcome, yet the deeper I dug, there was more and more to reveal. I found patterns and bags of things that needed clearing away. It took time, but it helped me release who I had carved a comfortable spot for. This is why Fresh Exchange had to be let go, and I had to start anew.
Even when I shifted my name, I knew I needed to walk away from Instagram for a while. I had to in order to relearn who I wanted to be there and why. I needed to identify Megan outside of being a brand. When I shut the app, I only missed the friends I had there and knowing what they were doing. I missed nothing else. I didn’t miss comparing. I didn’t miss the inspiration (Pinterest became where I found that though the ads are a lot there, too, boo). I didn’t miss new ideas or question the way I was doing something was wrong. I didn’t miss anything else.
This told me what I wanted there pretty quickly, and I then noticed somehow I had garnered nearly 4,100 accounts I followed. So I unfollowed nearly 3,000 accounts. That was the first time I came back. I still have more to let go, but I feel I have a number that’s more reflective of my life and relationships. I also found out through not posting about my birthday who of my friends really knew my birthday and knew me too. It wasn’t just something they were pushed to say but something they went out of their way to remember when they saw the date on the calendar.
What I came to most is that Instagram serves very little in my work these days for what it takes away. I post about something there, and of my nearly 50k followers, maybe 600-1000 people see it. Yeah, you read that correctly. The idea that we are sold that having the following means success is false in every way. It means nothing. In fact, I would prefer fewer followers. Then I would know I actually am getting my work and passions and business in the eyes of people I know really want to engage and see it.
There are immense thoughts about online social experiences I could continue with, but I will say that for all the ways we are sold, we NEED Instagram to grow our business; I don’t 100% agree. Is it helpful? Sure, but I don’t think it ever needs to be the main part of a business. I also believe the damage it can do to us and our self-esteem makes owning a business even more lonely there. Is it good to display what you are doing? Yes. But I have also learned that many people just consume content there and don’t ever move to making a sale or paying you money, and Instagram doesn’t reward any content in any way unless you post a video that oggles people.
The idea of free content outside of the weekly newsletter, I think, has become too commonplace and is harmful to many small businesses trying to build something. I have felt it, and I know so many others.
I could continue with my feelings, but I will stop because I know that I learned the most important thing: I am not for everyone, and my value isn’t tied to that. I plan to show up there as I want and feel right. I plan to be certain of why I am sharing something. I plan to be my whole self there when I do, and I also promise not to see anything tied to me needing value from a space like that and only from those whom I chat with in real life in an intimate and intentional way.
I hope that inspires you to shift into the same way you use and show up there or at least to really ponder why you do.
This week, I also shared these posts for subscribers:
How to Pay Attention This Week - There is always a current. There is always something pulling us.
Thawing, Emergence, and Reminders - The feelings and gifts of fool’s spring in the north
Finding Place - One of my favorite things I have written about Michigan
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