The Reshaping of Gathering Season
Asking the why we do it as an evolutionary principle
Yesterday it snowed. The first flakes fell damp and heavy on the still green ground. They didn’t stick long as the sun revealed itself enough to send the snow back into the drought-recovering land. It was only a few weeks ago I gathered the last of the tomatoes from our garden. The soil is still warm and this next week I will finally plant the garlic and flower bulbs. I have learned as the seasons warm we must rethink things and our rhythms as well.
I am finding much of life in these times is about sitting back and asking why and when or even how we might move into something new. It always starts with a why though. As I have started shifting even when I plant garlic I felt anxious at first with this question. I always used to plant it mid-October or the first week of November, but I would not get a great harvest because it would spring up too soon. Now, I sit and wait. I listen to the earth and I watch the weather, and feel the soil, and it leaves me more in tune with the natural world.
A few months back I read the book Restoration Agriculture, by Mark Shepard. It was recommended by a fellow land listener like myself. There was a story (I will try to give it a relative framework but it won’t be exact) in there about a husband whose wife cooked him a roast. The roast came to the table in two pans. One with the end cut off of the roast and the other pan with the rest of the roast in it. He was puzzled. He then months later experienced his wife’s mother doing the same thing. He asked her mother why they did the roast this way and she said, this is how my mother always did it. So when the grandmother came to dinner, he finally asked, why did she do the roast this way. The grandmother replied, “Oh well the whole roast didn’t fit in the pan I had so I always cut off some and cooked it separately. That’s the only reason.”
Why this story is important is because there are things we do that we knowingly or unknowingly have always done from habit or how they were modeled to us. Instead of asking, why we do them that way and then reassessing if that is the right way for us to do them, it can leave options and ideas off the table that may allow for growth, cultural changes of adaptation, and more. The thing is we as humans love things to be predictable, rhythmic, and systematic. It is part of our DNA. We are told as parents to keep kids in a rhythm because it helps them know what to expect next and it limits their anxiety. It makes sense. The thing though, is that we need to become more curious as we evolve into another area of living in a world that is shifting culturally, ecologically, and more. This isn’t comfortable and it involves bucking traditions that have felt rhythmic, safe, and familiar. This also leads us into a gray space that tends to be messy. For whatever reason, adults around my age may feel we are doing this more often than ever before as we both bring up a younger generation and sit with the discomfort our parents and grandparents may feel when we ask these questions.
The truth is this is part of healthy evolution but it may feel more pronounced than ever because of our socialized internet world. I feel that anyway, and I can nearly bet you do as well.
The garlic planting timing is only the tip of the iceberg of the questions I feel I ask these days. I continually look at our world and ask how to tip it upside down. Why do we grow grapes the way we do? Why do we teach our kids to read this way? Why do playgrounds look like this and not this? Why why why why? This is what I hear so often in the quiet stillness of my head as I slowly approach 40 at the beginning of a new era of the world (hello age of Aquarius). These whys sometimes guide new passions and sometimes they leave me uncomfortable with why I don’t want them to change or accept them.
One of these things I have been asking why about is Thanksgiving. Since 2020 I feel I have sat with the why. I have thought about what felt icky to me and what felt good. I have asked how I could question the way we had done things to write something new even if it felt experimental and messy in the process. What felt good in the celebration and what left me not okay?
In 2020, we celebrated Thanksgiving alone as a family of 4 with 2 young little ones (1 year old and 4 years old) It felt isolating, yet I remember when we picked up the dinner we bought from our local farm/restaurant (Farm Club/Loma Farm) the farmer, Nic (they have an amazing calendar with his wisdom still available for preorder by the way) wrote something beautiful about how though we cannot gather together the soil we eat from in this meal would connect us all. It sat with me all these years later when now I prepare to welcome family to our home and our pandemic anxieties feel like a very distant hazy and odd memory.
We can and should begin to messily and uncomfortably ask the whys about cultural norms in order for us to evolve.
It was in those words that I realized that we can both acknowledge the atrocity of what happened in our nation’s history, but choose how to rethink the holiday as a way to connect, heal, celebrate, and give deep gratitude to the soils and farmers who care for us throughout the year. I realized that a meal like this is still beautiful if we can frame it as so. This is one of those uncomfortable and gray spaces. The extreme end would be not celebrating, which I also respect, but I believe we can participate in the messiness of our growth as a culture by choosing where we source the food that lands on our table. We can buy the hen or turkey from the farmer who cared for that animal with a deep love for land and animals. We can purchase our fennel, turnips, and potatoes from the farmer whose love for their soil is even more than our own. We can entrust the flavors of our table that will feed people we love from the lands that inspire us to continue with hope for a better world. We can also choose to give our abundance back to organizations that support farms instead of choosing more consumerism. All of these things are simple and real ways to messily navigate rethinking how things have been done for how we think they should be done.
I have spent 4 years now working through how to rethink this holiday season. Much of it has been imperfect and I suspect it will continue to be, but every year I get better. I see new cultural rhythms take shape in our home and with the people who gather with us during these days. Shifting gently and not abruptly has been what has worked well. Being aware and working with the whims of growth and change rather than forcing it has always worked for both me and those who choose a similar rethinking alongside me.
So just like how I shift when I plant garlic or tend to the putting to bed of the garden based on the way the earth is changing, I am learning to gently do the same in the way I approach the changing of cultural norms in our life that both felt comfortable, but held a weight of why around them. I am gently pushing against what was into what I know to be better, more evolved, and healthier not just for the earth but for our community and greater well-being.
From The Margins This Week
A few little bits from my notes over the week and one from the archives.
“There is something magical about falling in love with a place. Intimately tending, caring, knowing, listening, and healing something. Over time it is more than the word love. It is more than just an exchange of energy. It writes a language on our DNA that we cannot ignore.”
“I always see Thanksgiving less as the holiday it is and more of a moment to gather people you love, store up the abundance of the land in their bodies, and be in gratitude for what your community has done all year before the snow gets heavy and our food is now less plentiful for a bit till spring comes again. A form of savoring, celebrating, and actually giving thanks through money and the beauty of the final harvests of the season from the farmers we entrust to feed us.”
”The practice of observing our landscape around us whether in a city or wild place is vital to bringing a sense of grounding to place and attention outside of the chaos the world can tend to make us feel.”
On my mind this week
September is a new vibe, so here are some things I am enjoying and thinking about right now.
The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer:
First of all, if you don’t know Dr. Kimmerer’s work, begin with Braiding Sweetgrass. I say it every year, but if there is one book you must read it is this one. Either though, you should also choose to read this gorgeous and amazing piece about the gift economy from her on Emergence Magazine. It has an audio version. I come back to this piece every year like clockwork. It grounds me in the importance of rethinking and pushing back at our capitalist world with a slightly new angle that I love. It’s gentle yet full of activism in the same vein, which is my style. I would suggest it without a doubt. Other than that, she has a new book that was released and it should be a gift to yourself as well. Please hunt it down at your local bookstore to support the stores in your community.Gifting Experiences:
In the age of consumerism, we have been switching things just a bit where we are asking more often for the kids to receive gift cards for activities that they love like their local climbing gym or heading to a clay painting spot. It has slowly turned into a fun thing because then they look forward to these events. It also is something we get to do as a family. They still receive some gifts from family and us of things they want or need, but we always start with these suggestions.Painting:
Our family recently set up a painting space in our basement. We have been keeping screens minimal and spending more time making. It took some effort to shift our routines, but it is a fun way to all hangout and be together without entertaining necessarily. The kids now ask for drawing evenings and it is very calming for us all.The Uninfluenced Holiday:
I am going to bring this piece back up to the top because I think it needs it. We aren’t valued in life by the perfection of our home. Despite what Martha may prove, this piece is about undoing that mentality and how to embrace the imperfect undone yet full of meaning and life holiday I believe we all ache for.Foraged Decor:
Speaking of imperfect holidays, my favorite decor for the holidays is ALWAYS handmade from what is in nature. The wabi-sabi look of handmade gifts, gift wrapping, and garlands bring character and celebration of nature to the glowy world of the holiday season. I love it and it is a way to connect with nature alongside others when you choose to gather and then make together. This is my tutorial from my old blog about how I make my garland every year.Toast:
I have a trip planned in May to head back to England for the Chelsea Flower Show. It’s been a dream to see it and I cannot wait, but my favorite store is also in England and I am always so excited about intentionally finding a new piece when I can visit. I find many lightly used pieces when I thrift, but I do save up for a few things here and there.The Wool Coat:
I am all about spending for quality when needed, but I will say some of my favorite coats have been discovered in thrift stores and are solid wool ones. I gentle clean them at home and then they are ready to go. I cannot explain how wonderful a great wool coat is. Here is one I love the look of but I bet you could find in a men’s section if you look properly.
One last note! I started a new series this week called Mimicking Nature. You can get a sneak peek of the series that will be for paid subscribers moving forward. I would also take any suggestions from you all about what would be interested to cover. Anything in the web of the ecosystem is open for topic.