Returning Home and Beginning Again
Sometimes we have to break routine to hear that inner voice a little clearer again
I couldn’t wait to wander the land here upon returning from Italy. I fell in love with this place we call home in a whole new way while getting lost in the foggy hills of Tuscany. I was worried I would never want to return after spending even a few days amongst the mineral-rich soils of Italy where olives and grapes dripped from the plants begging for harvest. I thought I might just want to slip beneath the veil of beauty that hovers over the golden light of Tuscany. Letting it kiss our skin till we no longer could stand it, but when I returned to the crisp autumn air of northern Michigan I found myself happy to be right here once again.
Traveling to Italy was important. Not every trip you take is meant to be life-changing or leave you desiring to leave your home and start a new life somewhere else. This one didn’t even if it made me see the world anew. I left in need of a mental reset. I needed to shift direction, slow down, and check in with myself. A busy summer left me disconnected from the depths of myself that I rely on for my creativity in my designing and writing. I felt I couldn’t hear what I wanted anymore.
I know I could write a post about the places we went and give you a list of the places to go. I absolutely could, but those days of my work are far behind me. I no longer travel to share the tracks I took because I don’t enjoy that. What I love to share about travel is how it helped me rediscover a connection to the innermost desires in my soul once again because of experiences that happened along the way.
On the flight over I watched the Eat, Pray, Love movie with Julie Roberts. I watched as she wandered Italy, found pleasure again, and discovered a way to hear herself again in the noise that happens when you are a woman in your late 30s and early 40s. I found myself resonating with her need to rewrite things in her mind and body so she could find the next steps. I didn’t feel I needed this the same way. I love my life so much, but what I was missing as I started working more and still being a present parent, was time away from the routine to connect with me and ask what I was in need of most as a woman. I needed to break the rhythm of client meetings and school pick up balanced with what’s for dinner and see something new for a bit. I needed some discomfort to break down what mattered to me and what didn’t in life just as the trees around me here now were doing in releasing their leaves.
I found that slowly but surely in our 2 weeks away even while toting our kids with us. It wasn’t some idyllic perfect trip you see in a movie or on a Reel. We were still relocating life to rural Italy with 2 kids under 10 and I will tell you that is no small fete. Something I think I will take a break from for a while, but what I found in the quiet moments of the morning light of Tuscany or the warm Italian sun on my cheeks while watching the sunset were quite a few things I both had neglected to give space to in my head. I think this is easy to do. Easy to push down ideas, feelings, truths, or whatever word you want to put to it, that have been murmuring but for whatever reason our routine of life feels too full to let bubble up too far or that maybe we don’t want to accept are true about us.
I feel silly saying I needed to cross the ocean to hear these things. The truth is I didn’t. What I needed was just to sit more intently with myself and step away from work life for a bit so I could linger with the thoughts, question my insecurity with the answer, and then just accept this is what I must follow in life. I learned that I need to trust and listen more intently to these things. Something hard to do as a parent especially, but I think sitting quietly away from the noise of the world and work just permitted me to embrace my thoughts in a new way that I had forgotten to do this year with starting a new business.
Coming home and wandering amongst the hills we call home that aren’t significantly different from Italy, I felt many things. One was immense gratitude to be inspired by travel and yet happy and excited to come home as well. The other was how much I missed writing. I missed being present here in my Substack and how I wanted to move forward with it.
I think blogging the way we knew it to be has transformed. I think that the culture of influence has changed too. I no longer feel a desire to both articulate the things I am doing or the things that I purchased or made my life look a certain way. I felt that pass when I stepped away from blogging previously 3-4 years ago, but it’s taken time for that to sink in for me. I no longer desire to share that, but I also no longer think any of us need that too. No longer does a billboard lifestyle suit anyone was something I saw playing out in well in Italy. Maybe it’s what we love about these places such as Italy, is that life there is about less and only the best things in life; community, a good laugh, a good drink, and wonderful food alongside the fresh air of nature. Not much else matters and I was reminded once again of that while sitting under 100-year-old olive trees.
I started this newsletter and substack to both share my random lessons and thoughts through the seasons that I heard and felt from nature and to also teach a way to perceive living with more attention to the rhythms and habits of nature that we can learn from as humans. I deeply desire to show up here, because it helps me keep my attention on nature and I feel it counters the world I once called my career.
When I got busy with my new business this year, I oddly felt a disconnect with all the thoughts that once drove my desire to start a new career. The thoughts that take deep introspection and attention to write, encourage, and share with the sincerity I desire to felt hard to access. Being in Italy I reconnected with those parts of myself. I feel I am returning with a new ear for myself that I missed the last 6-8 months and with work quieting for the year as well as having a new grasp on it, I feel ready to step back with some new thoughts, ideas, and perspectives.
I plan to continue sharing a free newsletter on Friday with my explorations of self amongst the seasons and the things that are happening in life that are important to discuss with the seasonal rhythms. I also plan to do a paid email once a week that allows me to study various parts of nature with you. These emails will dig into looking at a different thing in nature with eyes to learn an aspect of living on this plant from it. I do this constantly and in one of my classes this year, we studied Biomimcry, which is what this is. Nature has A LOT to teach us, but learning to hear it is challenging as we have been removed from it for so long. I have found though I naturally have this skill and I think I would love to share it more regularly with you.
That said, I will have those emails as paid as they will be much more educational and intense to put together for me. I will also continue to offer the seasonal guides to paid subscribers and more.
I am excited to jump into this next chapter of this space and dig in more about paying attention to the natural world, what it has to teach us, and what already is so good about our life right now. My hope is always to heighten your attention to the natural world and to bring a sense of awareness to the ways we are ebbing and flowing through the seasons together.
From The Margins This Week
A few things from my Italy notebook to share:
10/13/24
Driving through the winding roads, I can only see the ways we could take note back at home. Growing things with the natural curves and layers of the land. A use of community energy to harvest things rather than doing things alone. Using apple trees for trellising systems. It’s all there right out my window as we drive. Wisdom from the land and people who have been paying attention far longer.
10/12/24
If I don’t return know it’s because the air smells like grapes, oak, and citrus while the lizards scurry the walls in the morning light. Know that I tucked myself and my children beneath the veil of the Tuscan fog as if it could hold me here indefinitely with the dolce flavor of the figs and pomegranates that I pluck from the trees as I swim in warm mineral waters from the depths of the earth. I will be sitting in the warm light of the sun that perfectly goldens my skin while the chilled wine softens my palette and my soul. There you will find me focusing only on the sight of the butterfly I hold myself in suspension of reality and fantasy forgetting there is a difference between this and the rest of the world.
On my mind this week
September is a new vibe, so here are some things I am enjoying and thinking about right now.
VOTING! If you live in the US this election is a critical one and I would highly suggest to make time to vote if you haven’t. Don’t sit this out just because you don’t feel you love a candidate or are sick of hearing about it. Your voice does matter. I already submitted my absentee and tracked it to know it was counted. It felt amazing to vote for a woman. Even if Harris doesn’t hit every one of my desires as a candidate, I believe it is the most democratic thing I can do is to show up with my vote to a candidate such as Harris and not think about a 3rd party vote. This was my choice, but your choice matters too. Please go vote this week!
Snagging fresh olive oil: When we were in Italy, they were just harvesting the olives so I didn’t really buy or bring back olive oil. Instead, I flagged a few places to order from and am just waiting for the freshest stuff to be listed for sale. This was a place near where we stayed that I plan to order from if you are wanting something similar.
Biodynamic Wine Practices: I have been reading this book while studying an upcoming project I am pursuing. Not many people are into this stuff, but what I love about biodynamic wine growing is that it works with the land and cycles of the earth, which is truly beautiful!
Nobody Wants This: I watched this while traveling and wow. I feel it was such an amazing show. I love a good Rom-Com, but this one stuck with me. That line from Adam Brody where he says “You aren’t too much for me.” or something along those lines. My gosh. Wow.
Halloween: We aren’t big into the whole holiday honestly, but we dive in where the kids desire to. We didn’t have a lot of time to prep for the holiday with traveling, yet we had so much fun one evening after school going to the pumpkin patch and coming up with fun sculptures to make with pumpkins. I always love rethinking things for the kids because I don’t feel good about knives and such, and this was fun to do. I highly suggest that you want to avoid something super messy. we used some paint and markers on white pumpkins and made cars etc.
Rethinking the Birthday Bag: I posted on Instagram a list of ways to rethink the birthday bag. WOW, you guys had awesome ideas. I don’t like all the plastic trinkets and the way it costs families so much money. I am not a fan but you all helped me come up with great ideas. For the upcoming birthday of my youngest, we plan to give native wildflower seeds that can be sown before winter in little paper bags along with donating a book the teacher can read. This felt the most special, simple, and low cost/waste as well. But I think we will be doing temp tattoos and homemade crayons for birthday party things. It was great to have some ideas and to hear we aren’t alone.
One last note! I will be starting my next phase of certification for Permaculture and I plan to discuss it more along with my practicum I have to design. It is all about vineyard design so if this is something you are curious about, I will be sharing more on my Instagram. Looking forward to chatting further about these things!
Looking forward to the deep dive emails! Can't wait to read about it :)
This next Biomimicry phase sounds exciting (and not all that different from what you've always done!). Excited to have you back :)