Like a Mother
guided by intuition that has come from the layers of experiences dug into our sense of self
A little note here to begin: I am going to be sending my email newsletter in more of a looser fashion through the summer months. Kids home. Work on my shoulders. These things shift my schedule a bit this time of year. I love writing in this space and paid subscribers will still get exclusive essay writing along with the seasonal guide books as well as part of your subscription.
I will get back to How to Pay Attention but instead of weekly, it will move to monthly. This will be partially gated for paid subscribers as well. I am just making some updates so this space is more sustainable for me as it is still a deep passion.
A When I was pregnant with my son, I read many books. I scoured the blogs of how to do everything the new chapter of my life would entail. How would I swaddle? When would I move from bassinet to crib? What was the right thing to feed him? What do I do in the middle of the night? How will I know how to care for him? What if I mess up? How do I discipline? How do I make sure he avoids needing therapy later?
The questions were immense, to the point at times I sometimes didn’t even engage with the fact it was driving me insane while also being so excited to become a mother. After all, it was something I had dreamed of with a note in my phone of names and ideas about the life we would have in the years ahead on a Pinterest board as if it were that simple and uncomplicated.
In the haze of it all, after my son came, I forgot the notes I had made. I lost track of time and days as nothing was everything and nothing as anyone told me it would be. I was simply a milky raw and new human right next to the balmy fresh babe who weighed just 6 lbs and resting on my chest. Every burp. Every sound. Every movement was like a jolt in my nervous system. This wasn’t like the dewy neutral-toned ideas I had pinned in those days leading to his arrival. This is more fragile, rocky, and in some ways more beautiful than I anticipated.
Over the years though those anticipations and shock of the realness of motherhood faded into a new reality or comfort with the new shape we were taking. The form felt less unknown and more familiar with each passing day. My nerves began to fray less and heal into new shapes as the cry was no longer feeling as disorienting and more common to my system. He started to walk and then run and hurt himself and I began to feel I knew it would be okay and what really was a threat and what wasn’t. Every little thing felt more and more like a soft-edged moment that soon would be a past memory if anything at all.
Now, after the many scrapes, the IEP’s I have sat through, the middle of the night vomit that results in baths for all parties at 3 AM, the coughing from croup at 4 AM and sitting on the porch in the cold of winter to calm it, the broken nose in the ER, the split chin that required glue, the scapes that require Urgent care for more glue, the jeep ride down a 100 ft steep hill, or the head injuries with more blood than I would like to remember….I no longer feel the edge I once did. That version of me laying in that bed with a sleeping little baby tender on my chest feels less fragile to me even if he was laid on me that way again. I have discovered an intuition of what is worth my reserves of fear and anxiety and what will pass quickly and without much more than a scar for a story to tell one day. I know how to hear my instincts over the textbook that told me otherwise. I know that there is a truth that lies in me that no book could ever teach me when it comes to being a mother now.
The thing is I feel the same about the garden. Another season begins under my belt and I feel less triggered by the challenges this year. I feel there is a deep understanding in me of what matters and truly what doesn’t. I planted my tomatoes this week because I felt in my bones I should. The plants looked challenged by sitting in their pots, they were setting flowers, and the time was upon me. So I did it. The cold came in and last night and yet I felt I would be okay not covering them. It wasn’t laziness but a sense or intuition that our little microclimate would be okay. Will there be a little stress? Yeah probably. Will they be okay? Yeah. Those leaves might get tinged, but their roots are warm in the soil that feels like June around them and that is what matters.
The sun now warms the plot of land of concern to many last night. The dew lifted the moment the sun rose and hit the spot. I know this hill. I know what will matter here and what won’t just like I know my kids. I know the things that will sting for a bit and the things I have to let go. I know when to shift directions just like I know the same with my kids. It is intuition. The thing that comes at the intersection of experience, knowledge, and just a deep sense of awareness within ourselves.
I am not a perfect parent, just as I am far from a perfect gardener and land caretaker, but I am intuitive in both areas now because of the experiences that are layered in me now like the soil I have built up over the years that now holds and protects my tender annual plants from the cold. I know it will be okay somehow because I have seen it before. I know we can shift and move and adapt to what might be ahead.
There is a clear line for me between being a mother and being a gardener. A line that I watch twist tighter and tighter the older I become. How one teaches and guides the other and vice versa till sometimes I cannot tell the difference between the two identities. How I could ever understand mothering without being a gardener, I may never know because for me they are no longer inseparable. In fact I know one makes me better at the other over and over again. One teaching me to hear myself and the other showing me just how to practice that very thing. Over and over we go twining the identities in a way I believe is unique to being a woman. Unique to being present in nature and self while growing anything whether it be things from the soil or those from our wombs or other woman’s wombs. We are but a place to spring from, a place to be guided from, and the best way I have realized is that it must be done with our hands connected to the earth the greatest mother of them all.
Planting Now in Zone 6
Here I is my list for the final week of May and the first few days of June…aka GO time in zone 6.
Outside:
Any perennial tree, fruit, or shrub or plant is most likely fine. The cool transitions to warmth are perfect for them. If something has blooms though remove them or wait to plant till blooms are done.
Perennial herbs are just fine now
Every summer veggie (aka it’s GO time). Tomatoes, Basil, peppers, eggplant
Watermelons in the next week or so whether direct seed or starts
Corn unless concerned about crows
Beans of all kinds
All summer and tender annual things are ready
Inside:
Squashes - zucchini and winter squash can be started inside right now as both later plantings (I wait because of vine borers) and for successions (squash beetles)
Beans for succession plantings
Greens for succession plantings
Broccoli for succession
Corn to avoid crows
Sunflowers to avoid all pests (goodness)
Holding off:
cool weather things like spinach, arugula, cilantro, etc.
One more week to get potatoes outside till August
Carrots and beets
Turnips and other brassicas except Broccoli
All paid subscribers you have a FRESH guide ready for you in the Member Space. Go ahead head there to access now.
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On my mind this week
Been one hella busy week around here, but life is full and good in the best ways:
Rethinking Farming: Gosh that sounds too lofty when I write it, but I think there are some systems we could be questioning in how we create more sustainable systems for both farmers, land work, and the larger economic and ecological world we exist in. Creating bloom stacking systems and diversifying crops while also keeping systems connected may be something we should start looking into if we aren’t already.
Supporting Small Farms: Speaking of farming, now is the time to get to the farmer’s markets near you and support the farms nearby. They need us and work super hard so start now by even thinking about a CSA.
Water features in gardens: I have a few clients at Perma Studio right now who want and plan to integrate water features at their property both for aesthetics and for overall ecosystem assistance. I love this sort of style, but I also have this little hack you could try as well using this solar-powered pumping system.
Monty’s Gardening Book: Really loving Monty Don’s new Complete Gardener book. If you don’t have it I would highly suggest it to any gardener. His knowledge is so extensive.
Pea gravel: Ha I know random, but after being in England, I really got a little obsessed with how to create a few spots on our land that need gravel. I am not a huge fan of it, BUT it has a place when things won’t grow or it will keep away mice from digging at our deck boards for instance. So I am on this deep hunt and love this path and system I found on Pinterest.
Thrifting What You Need: I know it’s not a new thing, but I have been testing this site out for almost 2 years for the kids and I. I don’t share anything unless I REALLY am happy. There were some kinks early on, but now most of my clothes these days, and the kids come from here. It’s just like a resale store where you bring (send in) clothes you don’t want. They list (you do nothing) and you get credit. Then you can buy things with credit and so on. Many times we get things that are brand new with tags still on and many great quality things. If you have asked me about clothes in the past few years most likely I got them from here.
Griege: Once again England inspired, but in the next few years we have to paint our house. I have decided we most likely will forego going white again and head towards a grey/green sort of tone. I want it still light enough and not overly saturated. It also has to go with the black window frames. So I am hunting now, but inspired by tones like this.
Natural Sculptures for the Garden: Land should be a place of creative expression and feeling. Thus, why I am working to find artists right now to commission pieces for clients in the coming year or two. This is some of the sort of thing I am loving right now.
What are some things that have been swirling in your brain this week?
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