How to Turn 37
A year around the sun and something along the way changed
On Wednesday, I turned 37. I finished one sun rotation and began another. The day was filled with many wonderful messages from friends, good company with my little family, chopping my hair again because I like it that way now, beginning my first week in my Permaculture Design Certificate, and enjoying a meal at our favorite local place. It was quiet and simple, and the entire week was full of snow and skiing. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend this week, welcoming a new year of life and celebrating the ones that got me here.
This year has been a transformation for me in so many ways. I look at the snow-covered land around me and feel this new year of life ahead of me is just like my snow-covered garden - a fresh slate, yet the soil under it all is fertile and ready for whatever I plant. When I turned 36, I felt I was grappling with shifting the landscape of who I am. I was rebuilding the soil beneath me. I was clearing the weeds and shifting where things were planted or if they stayed, but this year, I feel I see a new side of myself. The one where I always stayed small, never shook the boat, tried to carry the weight of so much, and made myself believe I was only capable of certain things feels like they are a faint voice in my head.
I have learned many things this year in this process of clearing away old thought patterns that were holding on and changing into another phase of my life. I see myself so differently, and I am thankful for it. I have learned a lot along the way, so today, I am sharing a few things I have learned this year with you. I hope they help you along the way in your own journey.
You're not for everyone, and you shouldn’t be. Be yourself, and your true people will love you even more.
Pride doesn’t do anything for you. It only draws lines in relationships. Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to admit you messed up. This connects you with people.
Marry and commit to someone as your partner that you are attracted to and love and your best friend. They push you, see your best and worst, and love you all the more for it.
Go to therapy. Your 30s are a great time to clear the closet and write new pathways of seeing yourself and how you relate to others.
Remain curious. We struggle to make friends as adults because we stop being like kids and asking curious questions. Ask the questions you want others to ask about you: “What makes you feel alive?” “What is the book that changed you?”
Make friends with people who are older and younger than you. Don’t just have friends your age. This is the most important thing to building a resilient community and layered perspective of the world.
Be silly and goofy. So much of life is serious. Say silly words, take stupid selfies, and embrace being childlike even if you don’t have kids. It’s fun, and play is great for the soul. Also, laugh at yourself.
Less is absolutely more in life.
Just go to bed. If you are thinking about it, just get in bed. Don’t second guess it. Your body will thank you in the morning. Also, fresh sheets are underrated.
Move your body and stretch. The more you move, the more your body wants to do the movements.
Put the birthdays of those you love and care about on your calendar. Text or call them on those days. One day, they won’t be there. So celebrate them and let them know you thought about them. It means a lot.
Being a good neighbor is about tiny investments. The small reaches across the road can make a difference in your relationship with a community. You have to be willing to dig in with those around you to feel connected to them.
Always accept and offer hugs and/or high-fives. Everyone feels better after them.
With kids and adults offer choices even when it doesn’t matter what is chosen. We all like a sense of feeling in control.
The third glass of wine is really never a good idea.
Nothing good happens on your phone after 9 PM. Read a book instead.
You never know when someone or something will come into your life and shift your life and perspectives. Remain open to the unexpected in your life.
Invest in those you care about. Little offerings and things are important in that investment. Those little things add up with people, and little things forgotten can also draw lines, so be smart with how and who you invest with.
Embrace your weirdness. Stop apologizing for it. As the youngest says, “Let’s just be unicorns today.” That’s the energy we all need every day.
When a friend invites you over to have a simple dinner and chat on their couch, not at their table, you know you have found a good friend, particularly if their laundry and weekly life are still on their counters. Keep those friends and keep investing in the ones who keep things too put together; maybe one day, they will really let you in.
Don’t build a life off of someone else’s squares. Don’t romanticize someone’s Instagram or a board you make on Pinterest so much that you make yourself believe it is reality. Chase, what is your truth and your desires in life? Be honest about what you need in life, and don’t get caught up in romanticizing someone else’s. It won’t fix anything in your life but only complicate it.
If someone offers to help, even if you don’t need it, accept their offer, even if it just says, “I could really just use some company.” If someone asks to help, it is their way of building a connection with you; this is something money cannot buy, only be offered. Enjoy the fact someone cares about you. If you say no too many times, they will take it as you don’t need them in your life. Be mindful.
Don’t rush. It all goes quickly enough. Leave space to just be in the moment. Don’t fill space, and be comfortable being quiet and bored. Even if it feels uncomfortable, it will pass, and everything will change so quickly.
There is no podcast this week, friends. It was a busy week, but you can always catch up on past ones if you would like.
Making Friends with the Cold
As we begin to enter the end of the final weeks of January, the cold for most of us is not just present but something that is becoming more and more routine. You either feel the tension with it and the chill in your bones, or you find comfort, solace, and joy. There is also the chance you feel a little of both. For many, the cold isn’t something we ask for unless you are my 4-year-old, who actually prefers a cold bath. Even I, someone who deeply enjoys winter, can sometimes find the cold shocking and intense.
I have learned that when we live in colder climates with 4 seasons, we have to find a conversation, comfort, and relationship with it that works for us. For all of us, that looks different. Everything from getting into cold plunges to finding a winter sport that works for us, making a fire every night, sitting in a sauna a few days a week, and what we eat. All of it helps, but I urge every single person to treat your relationship with it like you do any friend in your life. You connect with it intentionally and listen to it. The cold has a lot to say, whether to teach us how to be silent or find solace in the dormant times of our lives. Winter and the cold are our wisest friends whose words are quieter than the other seasons. I tend to kind of think of it like Eyeore on Winnie the Pooh. There is a lot there, but you have to be willing to listen and see through the gloom that it can feel it brings. I have learned that there, as I have spent intentional years befriending winter, there is more light, offerings, opportunity, and wisdom in the cold winter days than there appears to be on the surface.
So tell me, how do you befriend the cold? What are you using this month of colder days to help you with? How are you working to see winter as a friend this year?
Join The Garden Planning Intensive in February
I will share more, but all Paid Subscribers get access to this event this year. It will be a 4-week intensive where I will guide you through the process of planning your garden. You will get to know your other cohort/gardeners in the process and be able to learn from one another as well.
Dates for the live events (recordings will also be done), assignments, and discussions will all go live on Monday next week. This is a great time to join if you want to participate because I have 20% off for annual subscribers, so you can get access to this + the entire year of content, including seasonal guides and more, for only $40. Such a steal!
I hope you join us! Use the discount below to get info next week and access your Winter Guide.
This week off the gram
It has been snowing nearly constantly for an entire week here. The cold air settled over the warm lake and created an absolute snow globe, as it tends to do here in northern Michigan. The snow is rarely predictable when this happens, and I wondered if it would be after our warm December. I love it. I actually crave these sorts of weeks as they settle me into life in the winter. I love how they call me to get out and play and be a kid. I also celebrated a birthday, as I spoke about, so there was a lot of that. The snow was really all I wanted after all these weird, warm weeks. I enjoy the silence of the snow and the feeling of my skis on it. So, most of my photos from this week are of me skiing. Enjoy!
Images described left to right and top row to bottom:
I went skiing with some friends to celebrate joint birthdays. It was worth the roads!
I successfully got that sourdough starter back into a loaf of bread, and it was good, but as always needs work.
Not sure how much snow we have right now, but it’s well above 2 feet. This photo doesn’t show it, but our wall around the garden is covered in many places.
Put low hoops over the greenhouse beds in our school greenhouse. This keeps heat closer to the plants. We will see this week if it helped through this cold spell.
-10 degree windchill ski in a fresh 8-10 inches was a total burner of an XC ski
Lots of playing in the snow with the kiddos. We had a blast sledding in all the fluffy stuff.
The trees in the snow just don’t stop blowing me away with their beauty.
This week, I started the process of getting my Permaculture Design Certificate from Cornell University, and Mike decided I had to support the school now, so here I am with my new gear. It will take a little bit (2 years), but I am excited to have this knowledge and pursue this next step in my education.
The sun came out momentarily and was beautiful on the fresh crystal snow. I think here you can see how deep the snow is.
Not pictured: the mouse nest that was in the engine of my 4-Runner, which required me to be without it for an entire week but got back on my birthday (2nd best gift only to my daughter creating her own pinata for me).
This weekend, I plan to go downhill with the kids and celebrate my birthday with family. We are looking forward to enjoying the fresh snow!
This week, I also shared these posts for subscribers:
How to Pay Attention This Week - The aches we have in our spirit and heart are best heard in these days of winter.
The Gift of the Storm - This was last Friday’s newsletter
Becoming a paid subscriber is huge for my work if you want to support independent writing and receive more from me.
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Your list of 23 is so good!! Regarding the reminder about calling or texting people on their birthday, Mike and I are doing more and more video texts and they are so fun. Always casually. While cooking dinner, standing outside or we just did one while driving. ✨
Happy birthday!! Your list is spot on! Thanks for sharing your wisdom! ✨