A Call to Focus Our Attention

How to use this season to recenter ourselves on what matters in our life.

The bird’s nest in the maple is filled with snow. The green of the pines is dampened by the misty freezing snow. The grasses have a glass encasing their fractile patterns. The snow is soft and frozen still. The buds are formed on the deciduous trees. I hear my heart and on this milder day, the chickadees flit around me chirping their warning calls that I am here amongst them. The sun isn’t present and I heard the coyote off in the fields at dusk this morning. My cheeks are frozen. My nose runs. The incline has changed beneath my skis and they slip in this warm-up in January. So I shift my stance. Should I move my skis side to side or v up the hill? I think side-by-side is best to get to the top. I feel my muscles engage the ones I worked when I was doing weighted squats yesterday. I am aware. I am present. Nothing else matters but finding my way up the hill so I can have the rush of wind as I glide through the pines down to the vineyard.

This week I have cross-country skied 5 times. Every day at least once I have been on my skis. At the same time, I also decided to walk away from being present on Instagram, as well. I have spent years harnessing my skill of how I pay attention to life. I have been watching my routines, how they make me feel, why I show up where I do, and how I feel about it. Some may say this is hypercritical, but I feel otherwise. I started my substack because I was inspired by Mary Oliver's statement in Upstream “Attention is the Beginning of Devotion.” Those words have guided this refinement and awareness of my attention. What pulls me and why do I let it? What does where I place my attention say about what I am devoted to?

We live in a world that constantly demands our attention. We are pulled to look at the notifications and red marks indicating that something is the most important. I think there is a positive but mostly distraction to it as well. Our devices calling to us telling they demand the most of our attention, and leaving us missing the ability to consciously ask where do we want our attention. The subconscious pulling and the conscious in most likely different directions and leading us to only left with not enough time. A feeling I personally do not enjoy.

I found the more time I spent gardening, working with the soil, digging a hole for a new tree, watering the plants, watching the rain on the porch, or skiing through the woods around my home, I didn’t just find observation of nature better and with more glee and joy, but I found something far more important; contentment with life.

Upon my assessment this last year, I realized that Instagram (the only social media I use. Never grabbed onto Tiktok and don’t use FB) left me feeling only negative things about my life. Sure there are the few casual connections and ways it allowed me to keep up with good friends and happenings in my community. The good was no longer outweighing the negative of what attention it was holding and the energy it created in my world. So, as some of you know, I walked away this year from regularly posting or being present there. I didn’t delete and I have checked a few messages, but that is all I plan to do for the year. I am not niave to know the ways it has benefitted me over the years, but just like anything, my relationship to it is no longer beneficial the way it was at another time in my life.

Afterall, I spent a complicated nearly 15 years building a following there, so deleting my presence completely doesn’t feel good to me either, but I can unfollow people and refine what I see and most of all choose to not spend time there, which I have.

Honestly, I have never felt that my attention is more important in life. I am running a landscaping design business, going back to school, parenting, and I have many amazing relationships I enjoy in my real life that I want to pour time into. None of these things necessarily align with spending time on a social platform. There is also something about hitting the end of my 30s that has made me highly aware of how I am spending my life and if it is making me the human I want to be. Is it teaching my kids what it is to be a creative and inspired individual? Am I living the life I want? What I know is that I don’t need to share my life to make a good life that I love and I don’t need to care what anyone else other than those I love and myself feel about the life I am living.

I am finding that I am gaining more time and presence in the things and activities I want to be doing. I am seeing the world with more intuition and feeling. I am losing the anxiousness, and I am longing for less. I loved to believe I was immune to the pull of consumerism that funds the social world because I once participated, but I am not. None of us are.

I started writing on Substack because it was my pursuit of a life opposite of the attention-pulling world of consumerism (aka social media). I wanted to heed Mary Oliver’s words and ask what my attention was defining about my devotion to this life. What I have found is that by being in nature our attention shifts. I found the more time I spent gardening, working with the soil, digging a hole for a new tree, watering the plants, watching the rain on the porch, or skiing through the woods around my home, I didn’t just find observation of nature better and with more glee and joy, but I found something far more important; contentment with my life. I found that by paying attention to the movement of the birds through the seasons or the way the tree forms lichen or even the patterns on a leaf, I didn’t just find love and adoration for nature, but I found it in myself even more.

In every way the world tells us we are not enough, I found shifting my attention to nature did the opposite. Nature told me over and over again, that I was more than enough. She reminds me I am perfect just as I am at that moment. The difference is she doesn’t do it with likes or comments or dopamine rushes from our phone. It is in the slow and quiet subtle ways of just consistently spending time with her that it is discovered and felt. Isn’t that a healthier relationship as well? I think so.

For years, I felt silly saying that nature was the antidote to our modern consumerist lifestyle, but out skiing once again today when I pulled myself only back in to write this, I realized that isn’t silly. It is true.

It isn’t lost on me the gift I have to step out my front door into acres of land and then even take a short drive to some of the most magical freshwater beaches in the world. It isn’t lost ever that I can howl at the moon after exiting the sauna, steam rolling off my bare body as I stand barefoot in the snow, feeling the animal in me. What also isn’t lost on me is that this place offers the truth that I think needs sharing and thus why I am here and by recommitting to this space and this newsletter this week I can help remind you of this being true for you too wherever you begin that journey. Not that I was questioning why I show up here, well everything gets questioned from time and time, but I think sometimes it is good to be reminded of why we show up. I realize that sometimes in the go of the life of parenting, being a modern human, and more we need reminding of what matters and what doesn’t

I hope if anything you will hold the line from Mary in the coming weeks. To ponder what your attention says about your devotion and if that settles with you. I am constantly thinking about it and it is a key reflection for me on living the life I want.

Skiing this week took up a chunk of time, but I realized it was no different than the time I may have spent on my phone in one day. It felt good to know I traded one of the other or rather felt more relaxed to do the one I wanted most because I wasn’t consciously being drawn by the red alerts my phone wanted me to believe were more important. The time wasn’t just created but it also felt more relaxed.

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Happening This Week in Nature:

The Wolf Full Moon
Mark your calendar and plan some way to acknowledge it even if just observing it from your bedroom window. The Wolf Full Moon is a key moment in the cycle of winter as it marks the beginning of Midwinter for us. In Ancient times the moon was called the wolf moon because it was to indicate the time when the wolves would leave the woods in search of food and come to villages. It was a warning more than anything. Even despite the wolf I believe the wolf moon is a time to acknowledge our cravings and hunger that winter brings to the surface and to face them with gentleness and acceptance.

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From The Margins This Week

A few little bits from my notebook over the week and beyond. Little bits of essays and random thoughts that seep into the margins over the weeks.

12/21/24
Sometimes what we need is a new horizon or at least a familiar one to bring us back to ourselves.

12/22/24
A well-spent winter can lead to a good year.

1/6/25
Driving home this morning the snow crunched under my tires. The landscape was a blank canvas devoid of the vibrant colors of the height of summer. A reminder we aren’t supposed to be doing much except only the necessary.

Winter’s depth and cold is a gift in that it removes the distractions around us. The work outside slows. The chores only are shoveling snow, tending to the hens, and encouraging deep breaths in the frozen tundra to fill our lungs.

I find my bed to once again be a sanctuary of comfort compared to summer when it is simply a place of necessity and at times restlessness on warm nights.

Winter makes everything that simple. It brings beauty to the purest things. Distills life to what is needed so we are given more space to dream and create, but most of all to rest. It makes it clear what needs to be purged or left behind.

1/9/25
At some point in January, you realize it’s been months since you even reached for your sunglasses.

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How to Spend January

Everyone always talks about how January is this super long and tedious month. I love January personally. To me, it equates to the Midnight of the day. Sleepy. Slow. Intended for Dreaming. Those are what I focus this month on. Afterall it is the month I state in my seasonal guide for winter as the month of Tending. Meaning that this is a time to tend to ourselves. We spend SO much of the year tending to everything else. What if we saw this month as a tend to tend to the roots that ground us? Here are some ways I suggest doing this:

• Assess: This isn’t about making lists or clearing things at the moment. I love spending January just listening to myself. I discover a lot in this. I sit and look at my habits more than anything. Why I do what I do and what it results in. I don’t shift anything necessarily, but I look at my routines, practices, habits, and just ask is this working for me or not? If not what may feel better for me? Is that a possibility? What would that look like?

• Rest: I think we forget how necessary great sleep is. I find the balance of being outside every day equates to a GREAT sleep. The last week where I have spent at least 30 minutes to an hour outside in the cold at minimum has shifted my sleep dramatically. I also began charging my phone in another room and using a gentle alarm clock and I think it makes a difference. I am also playing with how I wake up as well. No looking at my phone right away and not looking at it before bed. I have a physical book I read. All of this I think allows for solid sleep. Prioritizing it now is more important than ever.

• Purge: With so many darker hours in the day I think it is a good time to look inward and make space not just in ourselves but in our homes. We can get rid of things, organize, and make space that will lead to a calmer home as the days shift and can become even more busy.

• Spend Time in Nature: I take a walk or ski every single day. No questions. The reason is that it allows me time to be in the elements. Remain adjusted to the light and the fresh air makes me feel really go do when the indoor air can feel dry or stale at times. Being outside is one of the best ways to care for yourself in winter.

• Cook simple and low key meals: What I find is that in the winter, I don’t want to cook a ton every day. I like having down time more than in other seasons, so I will cook things that are simple and low key but deeply nourishing. Soup and bread with beans (I think that will be tonight) or a curry or something along those lines. Something that is easy to heat up for a few days and we will enjoy but doesn’t demand a lot of dishes and work either.

• Drink something warm: I know it’s hip to take a dry January but I think let’s just discuss a warm January while we are there. Drinking teas and warm cider is a magical way to spend these days especially sans alchohol.

What are some practices you enjoy in this month of tending to self and home? Share in the comments!

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Recently Read

I wanted to start sharing more about books I have recently read and thoughts. I spend a lot of time reading and I feel sometimes it is nice to highlight some favorites, but also give a review.

I recently read The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah. I felt the description of the book didn’t really properly warrant the story itself. This is a place based and historical fiction novel loosely based on Kristin Hannah’s personal experiences. It is set in Alaska’s remote areas between 1968-1994 following a young girl named Leni through her coming of age from 13-mid to late 20’s. This book is full of adventure, drama, grief, death, abuse, wilderness writing, and more. Most of all what I felt this book actually displayed was the truth about the varying ways Love drives and defines our world. From toxic love to love of place to love of community and more. Hannah perfectly details the way love can define our very life in all sorts of ways and even what it can make us see in ways we never thought we could. I highly suggest this book. It is a big read, but it held me all the way through and I cried through portions because of how 3D and alive the characters here. It would be rated in the top 10 books I have ever read without a doubt. My only note is that there are moments of darkness and abuse as well as dometic violence so if that is triggering this may be one to skip.

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On my mind this week

I have been thinking about a lot this week so here are few things I thought I would share with you for your weekend.

• Attention:
  I know this whole thing has been about that, but I wanted to also note I read this piece from a fellow stacker,

  Uncharted Maps
  about Distraction and I loved and resonated with so many thoughts so if you want to continue this thinking and exploration, add this quick read to your reading list this weekend.
  

• My Workout / Body Care Mantra:
  I love skiing and I love being outside. I also love gardening and all of the things I love demand a lot of my body. The older I get the more I realize that the secret to continue doing these things is to remain doing them, but to also fuel my body properly and keep encouraging it to be stronger. I was an athlete through college and there are things about that life I had to undo, but on the otherside my relationship with working out and body has a simple goal. When I think about fitness and working out. I have a simple mantra: Do the Work to Keep Doing What I Love. That’s it. I want to do what I love as long as possible and I know that decision starts now at 37.
  

• Cannot Stop Wearing Right Now:
  If I have an obsession with anything it is coats. I will tell you right now, but the best part of coats is they are great to find second hand and I recently got one from Patagonia that I cannot stop raving about. I wear my coat ALL the time. It isn’t just a casual thing. I put them through it with walks in varying conditions and I wear them on and off all year. That said, I love this Jackson Glacier jacket that comes in two lengths from Patagonia. It is water resistant, warm, and sleek looking. I cannot recommend it enough. Best part is they have a Worn Wear section so whether you are looking for a coat or looking to recyle or place in reuse they will do it for you!
  

• Beans:
  This sounds funny but if I have a New Year’s Resolution it is solely to just eat more beans. I love them first of all, but they also provide so many fueling and nourishing benefits. One of my favorite dishes at our favorite neighborhood places is Beans and Broth so I just am leaning in to my obsession. I have found that the Instant Pot is a great way to get more beans faster as the pressure breaks them down from dried to cooked faster than just putting them on the stove. This keeps my obsession cheaper as we can by dried and in the bulk section. So you can bet I am going to be finding allllll the bean recipes this year. Tell me if you have a favorite.
  

• Small Routines:
  I find routines to be so much easier to establish in the winter. Don’t you? I started writing every day for 15 minutes in the morning with my coffee. I hope I can sustain this, but I have learned that tiny things become big things overtime.
  

• Heading Back to School:
  This winter I will finish my Permaculture Design Certificate from Cornell. I am so excited to pursue my practicum project on vinticulture and how we can rethink the vineyard from a permaculture perspective. I have found vineyards fascinating for a long time and wondered how we could rethink them and so I will be ebeginning this work and journey next week. I will share more with you as I go through things I am sure!
  

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